Dear HCN,
In her
writings, Terry Tempest Williams always challenges her readers to
think and to act in new responsible ways or face some inevitably
dire consequences. In the same voice, she confidently reassures and
comforts those same afflicted readers. Her recent essay,
“Engagement in a time of terror,” however, left me cold, at first
(HCN, 3/17/03: Engagement in a time of terror). I felt she left me
hanging.”Engagement!” I shouted inwardly, “Exactly! But how? How
should I be ‘engaged’? That’s the question!” I felt as if she had
called me to some action, but forgotten to leave the address! I
went away mad. But I didn’t stop thinking.
I’ve stopped
believing in public political acts like marches and letter
campaigns. The great American Twins, militarism and commercialism,
have entirely occupied all the public spaces, and they are being
used to market weapons of mass destruction and consumption. I just
want to ‘close my personal boundaries,” and protect myself from
this violence.
Then, I heard an interview with the rabbi
who started the Tikkun Community. He was talking about the failure
of the peace movement to make room for grief. We do righteous
indignation and moral outrage quite well, he said, but we don’t
‘do’ grief.I realized my weariness was really sorrow and loss and
longing. My loss of faith in public acts wasn’t some moral failing;
it was a symptom of my grief.
I returned to Ms. Williams’
essay to see how different it might look in this new light. When I
unfolded HCN to re-read the essay, I couldn’t help noticing the
title of Piero della Francesca’s painting in italics, The
Resurrection, and the drawing of the leafless tree. My own critique
of the essay flashed in my awareness – it left me ‘hanging.” I
nearly wept.
This time, I studied the essay and found what
I’d missed in the first reading: I needed ‘a quiet place,” too, for
my aching heart. I’m not angry at all, but as devastatingly sad as
if a beloved family member just died. For me, it’s not just ‘a time
of uncertainty,” as it is for Ms. Williams; it’s a time of intense
grief. It’s a time to mourn.
Wayne A. Gilbert
Aurora, Colorado
This article appeared in the print edition of the magazine with the headline Disengaging in a time of war.
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