Heard around the West

 

Apre-ski style in Aspen, Colo., can lurch widely, from rhinestone cowboys and "meppies" - mountain preppies - to gold-toned glitterati and "grunge puppies," reports the Aspen Times, but what do (presumably) ordinary people on the street really find to be fashion faux pas?

Some examples:

"Those goofy, furry little boots. What's up with that?"

"Plastic surgery that doesn't make a bit of difference."

"Men in fur."

"I love nothing more than to see little dogs attack those small furry boots."

"Guys who shave their heads. You know, that creepy white supremacist look."

"The fact that the whole down-coat duct-tape thing has gone away."

"Men in suits. A man in a suit in Aspen is never up to any good."

In other Aspen news, the ski resort remains king of the hill when it comes to the price of a lift ticket for skiing down mostly public land. The $59 price is a 5.3 percent increase over last season's bite of $56, reports the Denver Post, but a ski company spokesperson said, "It keeps down the crowds."

Over at the giant Vail ski area, ski honchos were "absolutely angered" by one of those endlessly morphing Absolut vodka ads. This one featured a bottle wrapped in a cast and tagged "Absolut Vail." "Outrageous," said Adam Aron, the resort's boss. Some of the ads have been pulled, in part because of the recent ski-related deaths of Michael Kennedy and Sonny Bono. The cast on the liquor bottle is covered with handwritten comments such as, "I feel your pain."

Mysteriously emerging from the Internet recently came a note from "the trees': StoP tHE LoGGing oR wE WiLl coNtInUE to Kill oNe CeleBriTY Each WEeK. TheRe ARe nO SkIing "accIdenTS."

"Someone" taped all of the Simpsons television series just so he or she could identify exactly what Bart Simpson writes on a blackboard during the opening credits, says J.B. Wallmo, former ski patroller and now a sculptor in Loveland, Colo. "Goldfish don't bounce" is on that list; here are more resolutions from rebellious Bart:

"I will not carve gods."

"I will not spank others."

"I saw nothing unusual in the teachers' lounge."

"Mud is not one of the four food groups."

"No one is interested in my underpants."

"I am not deliciously saucy."

"The pledge of allegiance does not end with 'Hail, Satan.' "

"I will not celebrate meaningless milestones."

"Five days is not too long to wait for a gun."

"I will not bring sheep to class."

In Missoula, Mont., recently, a couple of dozen hunters dined on three cougar roasts at a banquet sponsored by an outfitter. The Missoula Independent said the cougar meat resembled turkey mixed with ham and was so tasty one man said it made him want to "roast his house cat."

In Wyoming, the Fund for Animals tried to lure rural youngsters away from hunting by promising a $1,000 bike to the first kid who gave up shooting an elk in a special season. None of the kids who drew permits gave up their hunt, reports Colorado columnist Ellen Miller, who adds: "Bless their little hearts."

The editor of a Delta, Colo., four-wheeler newsletter called The Thunder Clap, heard a panel of environmentalists talk about roads in forests, and he didn't like much of what they said. The quotes below are taken outrageously out of context but give an accurate sense of Bill Sutton's editorial:

"It was apparent that the Green Environmental Advocates (GAGs) were trying on a new strategy. They, to a man (person?) played the "illusion of reasonableness' trump card often and repeatedly. They even stooped to saying that "There is not one person in this room who wants to see ATVs eliminated from using the public lands." They, doncha know, just LOVE ATVs and really, really want us to have an enjoyable ATV experience ... they would like nothing more than to persuade us that they want to be our friends, and convince us that they understand our needs, and they, in their infinite elitist wisdom will make proper allowances for us. Who the hell do these people think they are? ... I gotta tell you, the attitude of these people makes me physically ILL! They present this goody-goody appearance and use their rehearsed benevolent charisma to a fault."

Now that some four-wheeler guys have heard the "Green Environmental Advocates," will the GAGs get to talk at a four-wheelers gathering? Sutton writes, "You can come to our meeting over my dead ATV."

Phoenix, Ariz., has a problem, and it isn't a lack of golf courses. It's so much dirt in the air that the city and surrounding suburbs can't meet federal clean air standards. One solution - a vacuum cleaner fleet - sucked up enough pollution to reduce particulates by 6.4 percent, reports the Arizona Republic. But the hoovering hasn't been sufficient; the area's mayors are asking for a five-year extension to the 2001 deadline for clean air.


Heard around the West invites readers to get involved in the column. Send any tidbits that merit sharing - small-town newspaper clips, personal anecdotes, relevant bumpersticker slogans. The definition remains loose. Heard, HCN, Box 1090, Paonia, CO 81428 or [email protected]

High Country News Classifieds
  • STAFF ATTORNEY
    STAFF ATTORNEY POSITION OPENING www.westernlaw.org/about-us/clinic-interns-careers The Western Environmental Law Center (WELC) is a nonprofit public interest environmental law firm with a 25-year legacy of success...
  • PLANNING & BUILDING DIRECTOR
    Searching for candidates with a Bachelor's Degree in Planning, Community Development, or a related field with 7 years' experience in land use planning forums, including...
  • LAND CONSERVATION DIRECTOR
    Manage, develop and implement all stewardship and land management plans and activities on both private and public lands. Guide and direct comprehensive planning efforts, provide...
  • NEWS DIRECTOR
    Based in the state capitol, Boise State Public Radio is the premier NPR affiliate in Idaho. With 18 transmitters and translators, it reaches 2/3rds of...
  • INTERNET-BASED BUSINESS FOR SALE
    Dream of owning your own business, being your own boss, working from home ... this is the one.
  • EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR FOR MOJAVE DESERT LAND TRUST
    Organization Background: The Mojave Desert Land Trust (MDLT) is a non-profit 501(3)(c) organization, founded in 2006. Our mission is to protect the ecosystems of the...
  • EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR
    If you are deeply committed to public service and would like to become part of our high performing, passionate and diverse team, NCAT is looking...
  • TRIPLEX .8 ACRE KANAB, UT
    Create a base in the center of Southern Utah's Grand Circle of National Parks. Multiple residential property with three established rental units and zoning latitude...
  • FORGE & FAB SHOP
    with home on one beautiful acre in Pocatello, ID. Blackrock Forge - retiring after 43 years! Fully equipped 5,500 sf shop including office, gallery and...
  • SMALL FARM AT THE BASE OF MOUNT SHASTA
    Certified organic fruit/berry/veggie/flower farm. Home, barns, garage, separate apt, more. Just under 2 ac, edge of town. Famously pure air and water. Skiing, mountaineering, bike,...
  • FOREST STEWARDSHIP PROJECT DIRECTOR
    Become a force for nature and a healthy planet by joining the Arizona Chapter as Forest Stewardship Project Director. You will play a key role...
  • EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR
    Ranchers Stewardship Alliance is accepting applications for an Executive Director. This position will provide leadership to RSA, develop a fund raising plan, and effectively communicate...
  • EQUITY IN THE OUTDOORS COORDINATOR
    The Equity in the Outdoors Coordinator will lead community engagement, program implementation and development, and data collection for the Eagle Valley Outdoor Movement (EVOM). EVOM...
  • COMMUNITY ENGAGEMENT ASSISTANT
    The Idaho Conservation League is seeking a personable individual who is passionate about conservation to join our Sandpoint Field Office. The Community Engagement Assistant will...
  • LIGHTWEIGHT FLY ROD CASES
    4 standard or custom lengths. Rugged protection for backpacking. Affordable pricing.
  • EXPERIENTIAL EDUCATION INTERN/ASSISTANT
    Actively introduce students to Experiential Education, Outdoor Recreation, and Sustainability while engaging and challenging them to learn and participate in these diverse opportunities. Room, board,...
  • ENVIRONMENTAL INVESTIGATIVE MEDIA SERVICES
    In-depth investigations of polluters, lobbyists, regulators, elected officials and others focused on environmentally damaging projects in the U.S. and internationally. We specialize in mining projects,...
  • UNDEVELOPED 40 ACRES - SOUTHWEST COLORADO
    in beautiful Montezuma County.
  • TRUCK DRIVER
    Class A & B drivers, pass all DOT requirements and clean driving record
  • MARIA'S BOOKSHOP FOR SALE
    - Thriving Indie bookstore in the heart of Durango, Colorado. General bookstore with 34-year history as a community hub for Southwest region of CO. 1800...