7-Eleven: the Final Frontier


Who was that masked man? Wearing a black mask, a black jacket and jeans, a man wielding what appeared to be a Klingon sword held up two convenience stores in Colorado Springs recently. According to a surveillance camera, the first 7-Eleven clerk handed over some money at 1:50 a.m. A half-hour later, the clerk at the second store balked, so “the robber ‘transported’ himself out of the store on foot.” Both clerks apparently had their Star Trek down cold, describing the thief’s weapon as a Klingon sword called a Batleth. Helpful comments to theDenverchannel.com came thick and fast: “I think 7-Eleven should require all clerks to keep Tribbles behind the counter, in case of future attempts,” said one trekkie. (For those drawing a blank, Tribbles were furry little animals that reproduced like gangbusters and had a calming effect.) Another person proposed hiring the humorless Borg as security: “We are the Borg. Robberies are futile. You will be assimilated into prison. Existence, as you know it, is over.” Still another said he was sorry to learn that even the Klingon Empire must be in a recession, since its noble warriors were resorting to holding up 7-Elevens: “What would Worf say?” Amazingly, Worf himself weighed in: “Dochvammey loDpu’ ‘oH ll’be,” he said.

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