Keep your tunes to yourself on the trail

A writer decries wilderness-destroying graffiti, litter, drones and booming speakers.

 

Marjorie “Slim” Woodruff is a contributor to Writers on the Range, the opinion service of High Country News. She works at the bottom of the Grand Canyon.


I try to be diplomatic, I really do. 

When I was cleaning up graffiti deposited by an embarrassed-looking family, and the father muttered, “Writing your name on the rocks is an irresistible impulse,” I did not give into my own irresistible impulse and whap him alongside the head with my water bottle. I smiled and said something about how a national park belongs to everyone, and it is up to everyone to care for it properly.

Graffiti in Glen Canyon National Recreation Area.

When someone drops a tissue on the trail, I do not snatch it up and stuff it into her ear. I say sweetly, “Oh, miss, you seem to have dropped something.” Then I stand there holding it out until she shamefacedly turns around to claim it. 

However, the other day I was hiking uphill at the end of a long day. I had (politely) mentioned to three other people that their loud external speakers were (a) disturbing nesting birds; (b) banned in a wilderness area; and (c) grossing me out. A young lady walked past with her device blaring and I snapped, “Turn it up! I don’t think they can hear it at Three-Mile Resthouse!”

My husband patted my arm and murmured, “I think someone is getting a little bit tired.” 

I remember the halcyon days when someone talking on a cellphone was irritating. Now it is speakers. Loud speakers. Blaring out “boom boomda m#f#k#r shoot the b#h, boom boomda” all the way down the trail. 

The “considerate” ones have it turned to a volume that you only notice as you’re passing or following. But too many seem to revel in how many echoes they can produce off neighboring cliffs. 

What, I wonder, happens when a rap person meets a pop aficionado on the trail? Do they face off with a battle of the speakers? The noises certainly do not cancel each other out. 

I would love to nail the speakers with a squirt bottle as they pass, but, alas, they are weatherproof. I suppose one could accidently bump into the irritant, knock the speaker loose from its moorings and inadvertently drop a large rock on it, but that might seem suspicious. 

Drones are noisy as well as intrusive. We were sitting on the edge of an isolated cliff watching the birds fly by when a racket resembling a chainsaw intruded. A drone hovered overhead. The birds egressed. Fearless Leader clambered up the hill to inform the miscreants than drones are prohibited in national parks. The man said, “Oh, I didn’t know that.” The young son piped up, “Yeah, you did, Dad. We saw that sign back there!” The kid obviously missed the memo to not snitch on dad.

Mom, nonplussed, demanded, “Why?” Fearless Leader was up to the challenge.

“We were just watching flocks of birds whirling around. They are gone now. The Park Service regards natural quiet as a quality they wish to retain. An artificial sound, such as a drone, does not fit into that narrative. Then, too, if the battery fails or the wind shears, the drone can crash into the cliffs, which leaves plastic debris and hazardous chemicals.” 

Mom huffed off while the hikers in our group expressed awe. “That was magnificent,” one said. “I was tearing up.” 

“Of course,” I added, “it would have been more satisfying to bring the thing down with a BB gun and stomp on it.” 

“Agreed, but this was equally effective.” 

It is a matter of differences in philosophy. Those of us who listen to the susurration of the wind or the gentle grawks of the ravens will never understand anyone who needs tunes badly enough to drag them along. Those for whom silence is oppressive do not understand why some of us value that selfsame silence. 

There are individuals who hike to an isolated cliff top to watch birds careen by and clouds drift through. There are others who seek that same isolation so they may break the law to obtain a nifty picture to post on Facebook. What is really difficult to understand is their desire to — no, their insistence on — loudly sharing their choice of music. Ear buds are cheap: Use them. 

Maybe that is the answer: I shall invest in a bag of cheap ear buds. The next time I have to listen to “Baby Boy,” I can whip them out. “Obviously you cannot afford a pair of these, so take mine.”

Dear me, that does sound a bit snarky. Maybe someone is getting a little tired.

Note: the opinions expressed in this column are those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect those of High Country News, its board or staff. If you'd like to share an opinion piece of your own, please write Betsy Marston at [email protected].

High Country News Classifieds
  • GOVERNMENT AFFAIRS MANAGER
    Western Resource Advocates (WRA) seeks a Government Affairs Manager to support our legislative and administrative advocacy efforts in Colorado. This new, mid-level position will report...
  • COMMUNICATIONS MANAGER
    San Juan Citizens Alliance, a leading grassroots conservation advocacy organization for over 30 years, seeks a passionate, dynamic, organized, and technology-savvy communications professional to help...
  • OPERATIONS AND FINANCE MANAGER
    Great Old Broads for Wilderness, a national grassroots organization led by women, seeks a resourceful, self-motivated, team player to serve as Operations and Finance Manager....
  • EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR
    ORGANIZATIONAL BACKGROUND Colorado Canyons Association (CCA) fosters community stewardship, education and awareness of our National Conservation Lands with a focus on Dominguez-Escalante, Gunnison Gorge and...
  • WYOMING STATE DIRECTOR
    Save the World ... or at least a piece of it! Join The Nature Conservancy and make a tangible and lasting impact by creating a...
  • PROGRAM DIRECTOR FOR AN ENVIRONMENTAL ADVOCACY NON-PROFIT NEAR YOSEMITE
    Demanding, but rewarding, advocacy work on forest, water, wildland, and wildlife issues. Applicants should have experience dealing with land management planning, public speaking, grassroots organizing,...
  • NEW AGRARIAN APPRENTICESHIP
    Quivira Coalition's 2020 New Agrarian Apprenticeships in Regenerative Ranching and Farming -Apprenticeships run 4/20 - 11/20 Applications accepted 10/15/19 - 12/1/19 NAP partners with skilled...
  • PHILANTHROPY DIRECTOR AT WILDERNESS WORKSHOP
    Wilderness Workshop seeks a full time Philanthropy Director to raise funds for our team. Learn more: www.wildernessworkshop.org
  • EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT WITH WESTERN RESOURCE ADVOCATES
    Western Resource Advocates (WRA) seeks an enthusiastic and organized problem solver to join our growing team as an Executive Assistant. The Executive Assistant is instrumental...
  • WYOMING OUTDOOR COUNCIL
    Two positions: Development Director OR Development Writer, Communications Director. Full job descriptions at https://wyomingoutdoorcouncil.org/careers.
  • CONSERVATION PROJECT MANAGER
    Great Land Trust seeks to hire a Conservation Project Manager. Position is full-time, based in Anchorage, Alaska. First review of applications will be on October...
  • EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR
    Eagle Valley Land Trust Executive Director Position Description Summary of Position: The Executive Director, working with and reporting to the Board of Directors, has overall...
  • FINANCE & LOGISTICS COORDINATOR
    The Rocky Mountain Biological Laboratory, founded in 1928 as an independent nonprofit organization, is a biological field station located near Crested Butte, Colorado. Our primary...
  • DEVELOPMENT DIRECTOR
    See Full Job Description
  • DEVELOPMENT COORDINATOR
    Position: Development Coordinator Responsible to: Executive Director Time Commitment: 15-20 hours per week, or as otherwise agreed upon General Description: The Development Coordinator assists the...
  • EDUCATION CENTER MANAGER
    Friends of Cedar Mesa seeks a full-time Education Manager for the Bears Ears Education Center to provide day to day operational and administrative oversight. See...
  • TROUT UNLIMITED SCP SOUTHWEST REGIONAL DIRECTOR
    Seeking to hire an experienced advocate/manager to oversee the organization's sportsmen/women-driven advocacy in Colorado, New Mexico and Arizona. Open until filled
  • PROGRAM MANAGER
    for northern AZ collaborative conservation ranchlands group
  • EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR
    Partners are seeking an experienced and energetic Executive Director who is excited about the opportunity to lead our growing organization! A full description of the...
  • EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR
    High Country News Seeks an Executive Director to advance its mission, grow its audience and influence, and strategically and sustainably guide the organization through a...