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National Park air fresheners

* Heard Bears *

ALASKA - Denny Akeya, a native of the St. Lawrence Island village of Savoonga, wears his opinion on his chest. Courtesy Loren Holmes, Alaska Dispatch

THE WEST

Marketers can sell anything, it seems, even metaphors. You can now buy an air freshener that mimics not the true scent of a national park, which might be a noxious blend of car exhaust and smoke from surrounding wildfires, but the very “spirit of our nation’s pristine treasures.” Air Wick’s take on spirit in the Smoky Mountains happens to be “warm spice and twilight;” at Acadia National Park it’s a foray into the kitchen for the aromas of “sweet vanilla and pumpkins,” while at Shenandoah National Park, the smells are “cedarwood and cinnamon spice.” Without a smidgeon of irony, the National Park Foundation says it collaborated with Air Wick on the new line “so you can enjoy the scents of fall in your home.” Saves on gas, too. 

Not to be outdone, Portland, Ore.-based Antler & Co. has come up with a box of little sticks that you ignite, blow out and then waft the smoke “onto your hipster beard.” Voila! Thanks to Campfire Cologne, reports *laughingsquid.com*, you emanate the smell of a sooty campfire without actually having to hike anywhere or put up a tent. The makers call the smoke permeating a man’s beard nothing less than a “nostalgic ode to cooking over the fire, secret swimming holes and the unending days of youth. Use it frequently, transport yourself, live the dream.” Also saves on gas. 

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