Push polls in the Rockies

I had read about "push polls," but until last week, I had never been exposed to one.

A "push poll" may sound like a real poll at first, but as the questions proceed, it's obvious that the pollster is trying to influence your thinking, rather than find out what you're thinking, which is what legitimate polls do.

My push-poll moment came after I returned from some errands and checked the answering machine, just in case an editor had called with the offer of some lucrative work.

No such luck. Instead, a robust voice started asking questions. Obviously this was a robo-call, since a human would have either hung up or left a message after getting the answering machine. I'm all for free speech, and I know the U.S. Supreme Court has decided corporations come under the First Amendment, but isn't there something we can do to make sure that robots don't have free-speech rights that annoy us?

Anyway, the voice said there were a couple of quick political questions for people in "Saleeda." I know, our Salida should be pronounced as the caller said it, the Spanish way, but for the past 130 years or so, it's been "Suh-LYE-duh." Obviously the message had been recorded by outsiders.

Then it asked "If the U.S. Senate race were held today, would you vote for Jane Norton, Ken Buck, or are you not sure?" followed by instructions to push 1, 2 or 3.

Norton and Buck are fighting each other for the Republican nomination, with each trying to portray the other as a devious Washington insider supported by evil outside interests. But that's not the "U.S. Senate race" in Colorado; it's the Republican primary. There's also a Democratic contest between Michael Bennet and Andrew Romanoff, and the voice didn't ask about that.

So whoever commissioned this wanted listeners to think the Republicans were the only candidates. The next question concerned the governor's race, which also features a GOP primary, between Scott McInnis and Dan Maes. Meanwhile the Democrats have settled on John Hickenlooper.

But here the options were limited to McInnis, "someone else," and "not sure." Maes didn't even get mentioned, even though he won top-line designation at the state GOP convention.

Obviously, this "poll" wasn't designed to sample voter sentiment. It was instead designed to promote certain candidates. Alas, given the exemption for political messages from the "do not call" lists, there's not much we can do about them.

However, if we can't outlaw these annoyances, maybe we should start using them ourselves. I can see how it might be fun to program my computer to start making survey calls:

"When Sarah Palin wants her supporters to be 'mama grizzlies,' do you think she knows that female bears are also know as 'sows'? Press 1 for yes, 2 for no, 3 for not sure."

"Do you think it's a winning position for Sharron Angle, U.S. Senate candidate from Nevada, of all places, to propose bringing back the Prohibition of alcohol?"

"Do you support eliminating all state and local government in Colorado, or are you opposed to Proposition 101 and Amendments 60 and 61 on this November's ballot?"

"Are you in favor of Green Energy like wind and solar, or would you prefer more arsenic-laden haze in our Western skies?"

Such "poll questions" could continue indefinitely, but a big question remains: Does this stuff really work to advance a candidate or a cause, or does it just hurt your chances by alienating people?

Ed Quillen is a freelance writer based in Salida (that's "Suh-LYE-duh"), Colo.