When the Bogeyman goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris, on the other hand, does not sleep. He waits. He is the reason Waldo is hiding. He uses pepper spray to season his steaks. He uses 8x10 sheets of plywood as toilet paper.
And Norris, the former “Walker, Texas Ranger” star whose purported toughness has spawned an internet cottage industry of made-up factoids, is ready to deliver a roundhouse kick to the face of any Congressman standing in the way of domestic oil production. He has joined forces with Newt Gingrich’s “Drill Here, Drill Now, Pay Less” campaign, producing this video encouraging viewers to sign the group’s pro-domestic drilling petition.Of course, we're already drilling here. Domestic crude oil production in April 2008 was more than
5 million barrels per day, a little more than a third of total inputs to U.S. refineries. And that doesn’t seem to have done much to drive down gas prices.
But these are irrelevant details when you’ve got Chuck Norris on your side. Because, contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy. It’s a Chucktatorship.